I’ve been heavy ... I mean seriously heavy... since I was 14 years old.  I’d had an image of myself as being “too fat” since I was a young child, and even put myself on my first diet when I was seven years old.  Looking back at photos of those days, there was certainly nothing to worry about.  I wasn’t a skinny kid, but my weight wasn’t something I should have been worrying about at that age.  Obviously somewhere along the way, I got messages that told me otherwise. 

 At 14, after we moved and I had to part with my friends, that’s when I really began to put on the weight, and my physical self started to match the image I’d had of myself in my head.  Throughout high school, I was about 50 pounds overweight.  Occasionally I’d go on a diet and be successful in losing some weight, but I’d always find it again.  Being an overweight teenage girl is a very painful way to live.  You see your friends dating, going to parties, and wearing cute clothes, and you feel like life is passing you by because you don’t get to experience any of that. 

Finally in my early 20's I was successful in losing about 55 pounds following a commercial diet program with boxed foods, and I got down to a comfortable weight.  Unfortunately, my body image had not had a chance to catch up with the physical changes I'd made. Being uncertain how to see myself in the new world exposed to me, before I knew it I had gained it all back and then some.  This started me on a downward spiral... I was out of control with my eating, I became chronicaly depressed, and I felt lost as to how to change things. 

After about five very painful years, I had reached a high of 227 pounds, and a size 20/22.  To add to the emotional pain, I now was experiencing physical discomforts.  An aching back and feet, heart palpitations, and a racing heart in the middle of the night.   Summer was so uncomfortable with the heat, I could never enjoy it. 

So, what started me on the path to where I am now?  One day.  One day started me on this journey that five years later I can now proudly and joyously say I am down 75 pounds (so far!), and at a size 10,  am literally half the woman I was!  I woke up one day, and decided I would try to eat well for just that one day.  I was making no commitments beyond that.  At the end of that day, I assessed how I felt:  It wasn’t so bad.  I could do it again tomorrow.  And I did.  And then another tomorrow.  And another.  Once I had gone eight days in a row, and was starting to see some results, there was no turning back.  No way was I going to waste all that hard work and just turn around and have to do it all again.  So, I kept going. 

It’s been a long journey.  A slow one.  This time, I have made gradual, incremental changes.  And I’ve given myself the time I needed to let my body IMAGE catch up with my actual body.  I’ve learned so much along this journey... I’ve learned about food, and how it affects not just your weight, and your physical health, but how it influences your mood too.  I’ve also learned how to motivate myself.  And, I think most importantly I've learned that health and wellness and self-esteem and ideal body weight are not something you will finally achieve and be done with.  It’s something that we all must work on and manage every single day, month, and year of our lives.  It’s something that ebbs and flows.  Sometimes the ride is smooth and easy, and sometimes you have to fight like hell for it... and sometimes, you have to just accept that it’s ok to take it easy and not demand too much, and appreciate your body for what it CAN do today... and know you’ll find yourself in a “flow” again soon.... 

I’m so excited to now be in a profession where I can share my experience with others, and help them to achieve their own goals.  When we take care of ourselves physically, the benefits are so very much greater than “just” a healthy body.  When you feel good because of choices YOU have made, it becomes empowering... it becomes a catalyst that sparks you to achieve the dreams you have for yourself that you may have once thought never possible. 

SO go for it, and INSPIRE YOURSELF!

~Audrey